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Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It allows individuals to navigate social complexities, manage relationships, communicate effectively, empathize with others, and defuse conflict.

The concept involves skills such as empathy and self-awareness. Emotional intelligence is therefore crucial in various aspects of life, including relationships, communication, and overall well-being, and developing it means being aware of our own emotions and how they can impact personal and professional interactions, helping us discern between different feelings, and using this emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.

It may seem complicated at first, but maybe you know the concept by another name: common sense. You know, things that you should or should not do in order to be civil.

Common sense refers to the sound judgment and practical knowledge that is shared by a society or community. It encompasses a sensible and rational approach to everyday situations, allowing individuals to make reasonable decisions based on their understanding of the world. It is often considered to be a blend of experience, intuition, and logical reasoning, providing a practical guide for navigating various aspects of life.

Ultimately, it is a collectively constructed concept, while emotional intelligence refers more directly to individual behavior, and perhaps this is precisely where the heart of the matter lies. As the collective has been somewhat undervalued lately, common sense needed a rebrand to avoid disappearing completely, and voilà, the twin brother emotional intelligence enters the field.

I do not know if it was a lack of common sense or emotional intelligence that led a woman to stand in the middle of a richly designed colorful salt carpet. I do not know if it was a lack of common sense or emotional intelligence that led a woman to stand in the middle of a richly designed colourful salt carpet during the last Corpus Christi festival.

In the festivities of Corpus Christi holds great significance. It is a tradition where intricate carpets are created using coloured salt, sawdust, flowers, and other natural materials. The salt carpet symbolizes the path that Jesus took during the procession of Corpus Christi. It also reflects the devotion and unity of the community in preparing for this important religious event, creating a beautiful and ephemeral (the are undone by the end of the day) display of faith and artistry.

For me, personally, it is a family day out, where you can walk along the main avenue of the city, closed for carpet making. Perhaps because it touches emotional memories so dear to me, the sight of that woman moving her hair while taking a selfie on the carpet, without caring about all the work it cost those involved in maintaining this tradition seemed outrageous to me.

I immediately started shouting in her direction: “Hey, my friend, you can’t stay there, you’re ruining the design of the rug.”

She did not leave and continued taking selfies with her cell phone. “Hey, you!”, I repeated, now waving my arms. She continued ignoring me. I was losing my Holy War. I needed support. I addressed the other people watching the carpets: “Guys, help me, she’s not listening to me!”, poiting to the lady on the carpet.

Some people approached and soon a small crowd was clapping and shouting: “Get off the carpet! Get off the carpet!” Continuing to pretend not to hear, the woman finally put the phone away and left the carpet, moving away from the crowd that was booing her.

Later, at home, I recalled the case and thought that the woman lacked emotional ineligence. She could have done much better with a simple: “Sorry, guys” and, in a more refined spirit, she could even have ended with “Happy holidays to you too” or something similar. It would be what you call a classy getaway.

I thought about how that woman should solve the problems that everyday life presents to her. Does she pretend not to notice the challenges that life offers her? Could it be that the solution to situations that she does not know how to deal with is to simply pretend that she does not realize the problem? Is she not familiar with the transformative power that a sincere apology has?

I felt a little sorry for her and I hope with all my heart that she finds a way to develop her conflict resolution skills. Or get used to a few boos along the way.

Be seeing you!

G.F.

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Dix pour Cent (“Call My Agent”, in the English version) is a French sitcom released in 2015 that revolves around the lives of talent agents working at a Parisian agency. The plot focuses on the professional and personal challenges they face while representing a diverse array of clients in the entertainment industry.

Throughout its four seasons, the show portrays the intricacies of deal-making, client relations, and the glamorous, yet demanding, world of show business. The first season ends with the following sentence, said by senior agent Arlettte Azémar, played by actress Liliane Rovère:

“When things are not going well, there will always be the cinema“

I really like this phrase, and whenever necessary, I resort to its variant:

When things are not going well, there will always be the music.

For me, this is not just a catchphrase, but rather a profound belief that serves as a key to open the door to a refuge that welcomes me when things are going wrong and the world seems like an incomprehensible place.

It is as if the music becomes a soothing companion, providing solace and understanding when the challenges of life feel overwhelming. Far from being an exclusive privilege of music, this healing element is present in all arts.

I am sure that different forms of art have already provided comfort in challenging situations in your life, just as they have in mine, but I would guess that most times you did not realize that they were the ones doing the trick, crediting you well-being feeling to external factors (the place, the company etc), instead of ralizing the magic was happening in you.

I mena, you do not need to be a painter, or a dancer, or a filmmaker to feel the same way about Painting, Dance or Cinema. Just find a form of expression that is dear to you and enjoy it.

Whether producing or consuming art mindfully, by focusing on the comforting and healing aspects of it, you unlock healing companions, who can be very helpful in seeking refuge and emotional relief. In times of difficulty, it is important to intentionally make space for art to manifest itself as a source of comfort in our lives.

The transformative impact of art during challenging moments comes from its power of providing emotional support and, sometimes, that is all we need.

One way to do this is by setting aside dedicated time for creative activities. It does not have have to be much, it can be minutes or hours, you will find out what works best for you.

Whether it is writing, painting, playing an instrument or simply listening to that song you like (and if you suddenly feel ike dancing to it, even better). Creating a designated space for artistic expression can also help, as it signals to the mind that this is a priority. It can be as simple as choosing a nice place to read a book.

Actively seeking out and immersing yourself in art forms can provide a sense of comfort when the world is being mean to us. It is all about recognizing the value of art in providing emotional nourishment and intentionally incorporating it into your daily life. Every simple gesture counts.

When everything goes wrong, the arts always remain, as a healing source that never runs out.

Be seeing you!

G.F.

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I just discovered (and most probably I am the last person in the world to do so) that the classic film Back to the Future has undergone several cast changes. Even the main character, Marty McFly, was played by an actor other than Michael J. Fox during a few weeks of filming. The footage ended up being discarded, which contributed to nourishing the gigantic memorabilia of the iconic production.

The lead male role of Marty McFly was originally played by actor Eric Stoltz. However, after several weeks of filming, the producers and filmmakers decided to replace Stoltz with Michael J. Fox, who was the original choice for the role. The problem is that Fox was also involved in the sitcom Family Ties and would not have time for filming (the situation would later be resolved simply by doubling the filming routine of the actor, an experience that Fox himself later classified it as “insane”).

The decision of going not taking Stolz was based on the belief that his the portrayal of the character was not aligning with the comedic tone of the film as envisioned. As a result, they had to re-shot all scenes of Stoltz, leading to the final version of the movie that is well-known and beloved today.

Even a person like me, uninformed about the precise numbers of the finantial impact of reshooting weeks and weeks of footage (and let us not forget that they were dealing with the technology available in Hollywood in 1985), understands that the costs involved are immense, and that such a decision can lead to the failure of any project. Therefore, it is not difficult to imagine that no production will go through this, unless ii is absolutely necessary.

But what was the problem with Stolz? According to actors who shared scenes with him, Stolz was a “method” actor, meaning that following his acting rituals was extremely important to him. Examples of his method would include, for instance, being addressed only by the name of his character, not talking (and pretending not to listen) to his colleagues when they were not in a scene with him, and using real physical force (instead of staged moves) during fight scenes.

Since Stolz did not get the job, does it mean that having a method is a problem per se? Not at all! Having a method with rules that impose a deep dive into the character may have been the reason for the success of the previous roles played by Stolz, but it was for sure the cause of his departure from the cast of Back to the Future.

The search for character depth ended up taking the actor too far (and in the wrong direction). By privileging the detail, Stolz lost the sense of the whole. His compreehension of Marty as a tragic hero who ultimately returns to a future in which his family is financially well off, but where he lands as an outsider, certainly added layers to the character, but it also took away much of his charm and humor.

While the approach of Michael J. Fox is extremely humanistic in his fumbling quest to “do the right thing”, Stolz highlighted the futility of any action. As interesting as this “memento mori” version of Marty may seem, it takes a huge step away from comedy and it is no surprise that Stolz was removed from the project.

The biggest problem of Stolz, ultimately, was his method apparently made him a prisoner, instead of helping him. Reviewing from time to time the rules we impose on ourselves can be as important as the method itself, because if the rules are preventing our growth, then they are not rules, but chains holding us back.

No method is equally applicable in all situations, and it will always be necessary to contextualize and to adapt, which reminds me of another story told by the great Brazilian accordion virtuoso and composer Luiz Gonzaga in an interview.

In his youth, Gonzava tried to join the army band, but was dismissed after failing in playing the “E flat” the conductor demanded. At the end of the interview the reporter asked him if in order to be a great accordion player it was really necessary to know how to play an E-flat.

Gonzaga responded between laughs: “Look, to this day I do not know what a E-flat is. I play by ear.”

Be seeing you!

G.F.

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I recently wrote about a huge Madonna show in Rio. She was invited by a big bank to perform on the Copacabana beach. The performance was a great success, although musically it drew attention to the fact that in a show where all the numbers were grand, the number of musicians on stage was… zero.

Many analyzes were made following the event, drawing attention to the good shape of the performer. Far be it from me to dispute the good shape of the artist, but I confess that, artistically speaking, a 65-year-old woman using playback moves me to a much lesser extent than an 84-year-old woman singing live on stage.

Forget Madonna: Suely is the real thing!

Last week I had the opportunity to applaud the great Brazilian actress Suely Franco, performing a tribute to the star Virgínia Lame, who would have turned one hundred years old in 2020. The play is called “The Brazilian Vedete” And if you do not know what the word “vedete” means, the very infornative program of the play explains:

“The star actresses of the revue theater were known as “vedetes”. The word “védette”, of Italian origin, means “exposure” or “evidence”. In Brazil, the term also came to designate people or things that are extremely desired.“

The actresses of the revue theater, whose peak in Brazil occurred between the 1930s and 1950s suffered from double prejudice: both on the part of society in general, which considered the profession analogous to prostitution, and on the part of dramatic actresses and radio singers, who often considered their colleagues in the revue theater as less serious professionals.

In its origins, revue theater is linked to a presentation, a “review” of the outstanding political and social events of the year, and in the case of Virgínia Lane, who was a singer, a dancer and a composer, the world of feathers and sparkles of revue theater intersects with political milestones of Brazil, since she was for ten years the declared lover (or, as it was presented in the newspapers of the time, “the favourite vedete”) of President Getúlio Vargas.

She was one of the first to see him dead, in what would go down in history as a case of suicide, but which Virginia swore until the end of her days that it had actually been a murder.

Reviewing the importance of the revue theater and reliving the stories of these great artists is already quite moving, but when it happens through the work of an actress like Suely Franco it means much more than that. Proud and majestic on stage, at the age of 84, singing live, loud and clear and delivering her text with timing and panache, Suely turns the play into an anti-ageism ode, as well.

I left the theater deeply moved and with my faith in humanity renewed. There is something very powerful in this type of experience, a power so great that it is capable of shining brighter than cell phone screens (the fact that people are no longer able to turn them off for two hours is a very sad topic that I do not want to talk about now so as not to starve the mood ) and sounds louder than all the annoying ringtones.

It reminds us that the strength of art asserts itself over time and the inevitable finiteness of our existence. Or, as the 1979 song While Ironing Pants, by Ednardo, would say:

Because singing feels like not dying
It’s like not forgetting
That life is right

Be seeing you!

G.F.

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In the seventeenth episode of the fourth season of the sitcom Sex and The City, acclaimed actress Candice Bergen made her first appearance as the character Enid Frick, the Vogue editor of Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker).

Enid is not easy to get along with and criticizes Carrie frequently, but when the editor insinuates that Carrie does not know anything about shoes, the protagonist responds with a very witty phrase, half snobbish, half wise: “Men I may not know, but shoes… shoes I know!”

I remembered the scene this week when I went to a beauty salon. It was my turn there, but I had been following the social media of the place for some time and thought it served what I needed: trimming the ends of my hair.

Some context: I cannot remember a time when I actually enjoyed going to beauty salons. It probably has to do with the fact that, in general, I do not leave the place looking amazing, as with many women do. Why? I have no idea, but maybe it is because trendy cutting and finishing styles (straightening, drying with a diffuser, etc.) do not usually give good results on my hair. In the end, I always return to my good, old homemade way of doing things, and that is how I really like it.

In practice, this means that I have extensive and lengthy experience with my hair and have a good idea of what damages or improves its appearance. I am not a professional in the field, and I probably would not know how to give good advice about anyone’s hair. But when it comes to my locks, I am like Carrie Bradshaw to Enid: I know my hair.

So, when a hairdresser, after talking about himself for 20 minutes and not even touching my hair, starts listing a list of things I can or cannot do, I tend to perceive it as a bad start.There is no point in trying to cover up the fact that there is no hot water in the taps, with the false advice that warm water (not hot, just not cold) will be extremely harmful to me, because I will notice.

There is no point in swearing to me that your way of styling is unique, and in the end just clogging my head with styling cream, especially if it is a low-quality one. I might be going through a low-budget phase (who hasn’t?), but my nose still knows how to differentiate between a good cosmetic and an imitation. You see, the hairdresser was not bad, only too, let us say, pretentious.

After I got home, washed it, and styled my hai my way, I gotta admit I actually liked the cut. The only issue is having to play the whole “influencer game,” you know, having to accept something just because the person has tons of followers on social media. That is what happened with this professional. I mean, the social media of the place was on point, most posts had lots of likes and amazing reviews, and they never hinted that reality was any less glamorous (trust me, washing your head with super cold water is anything but glamorous).

When it comes to taste, contrary to what people say, there is a lot to discuss, debate and inform. Perhaps people would change their opinion about many products and services if they had the chance to use them, intead of only getting the opinion from the so-called influencers. A good way to value services and products is to learn about their costs of production in terms of work, skills involved, preparation time and execution.

The coolest experiences have always been the ones we live on our own, but I’ve noticed that we’re letting the algorithms of the platforms take over too much of this power, hardly ever stepping out of our bubbles where everything similar to our thoughts is right and everything different is wrong.

What bothers me most about algorithm culture is that it does not matter who you are or what you do: the important thing is to constantly brag about yourself, your achievements and your overwhelming qualities. How can we blame the hairdresser who would not stop talking about himself, if doctors, musicians, lawyers, students, travelers, in short, everyone is there, on the internet doing the same?

Following the manual exhaustively repeated in the thousand and one tutorials on how to sell anything and everything we turned all the “experiences” in our lives in sales pitches. We create empathy, we cite examples that prove our social validation, we primisse to solve the pain of our customer, we follow the journey of the hero… we read the whole script.

Maybe part of our collective anxiety comes from the feeling that we need to “close a sale” at all times, whatever that “sale” may be, from a cosmetic treatment, a service, a new relationship, a new single. This constant pressure to achieve a successful outcome in every situation can create a sense of unease and perpetual striving.

It is as if we are constantly on the lookout for potential opportunities to “seal the deal” in various aspects of our lives, whether it is through personal improvement, professional advancement, or social interactions. This mindset can lead to constant stress and the belief that we must always be in a state of negotiation with ourselves and others.

One potential solution to reduce the impact of algorithm culture on personal decision-making and self-worth is to prioritize self-awareness and mindfulness. By consciously reflecting on our values, goals, and genuine desires, we can make decisions based on internal authenticity rather than external pressures.

Cultivating a diverse range of offline experiences and real-world connections that are not governed by algorithmic recommendations also helps, for it allows fae-to-face interactions, unburdened by the constant pursuit of digital validatio.

By prioritizing genuine experiences over external validations, we reclaim our autonomy and self-worth, recognizing that true value lies in meaningful connections and personal fulfillment rather than in the metrics of algorithmic approval.

Advertising is good, but what really keeps customers is good merchandise, good stuff. And good suff, darling, good stuff I know.

Be seeing you!

G.F.